Since I first began working on The Graying of AIDS in 2006, a number of the extraordinary people profiled in this body of work have died from a variety of AIDS- and/or aging-related illnesses. I am deeply saddened to report the loss of two more cherished project participants: Sue Saunders (age 78) and Richard Kearns (age 60).

Sue Saunders, 1933 – 2012

In my last conversation with Sue, she expressed her frustration with not being able to go out to educate any longer – that those years of her life had irrevocably passed.  I had called to tell her about the latest publication that wanted to use her quotes and images, and reminded her that that her words and message were continuing to resonate with all the people who watched her Graying of AIDS video portrait.

Everyone I speak to about Sue’s story tells me how deeply affected they are by her candor and verve, and it was by no means an exaggeration to tell her that she continued to be out there, busy advocating, even if her back pains and the trouble she had relearning how to walk after breaking a hip kept her confined to the house more than she appreciated. It really cheered her up, and I was looking forward to telling her the great news that we were now able to make a short film solely focusing on women aging with HIV, and to ask if she wanted to do us the honor of being a part of that project.

She will be missed, but her example will guide and inspire this film in the making, just as her outspoken activism provided many with a much needed role model and cheerleader during a crucial time in the struggle against HIV/AIDS.

Richard Kearns, 1951 – 2012

Richard came to the Graying project later on, after I began working on the OSI Audience Engagement grant, and started interviewing activists and advocates regarding the key issues and concerns they were working on. He was passionate about devising new ways of caring for those who are aging with the virus, and advocated tirelessly for a more communal and more dignified way of living.

Richard was a writer and a poet, and he shared some of his work with our project. We were hoping to integrate this poem into a future on-line tool promoting the integration of the arts into HIV/AIDS education and training materials. It speaks for itself:

i miss kissing
a lot
i miss russ
i miss jeff
i miss
too too many more
i miss
your cradling arms
i miss
my head on
your chest
i miss
yours on mine
i miss your
skinheat

i lived i
am alive i
persist in the
dwindling
sunlight of
twenty plus
years with AIDS
fifty seven & wondering
if i might
make sixty
if i want to
make sixty
if i can

i used to remember
what the world was
like without AIDS
i have forgotten it
like jeff’s unmoustached
face, like russ’ blue eyelights &
his calloused hands &
the promise we will be
reunited in valhalla
makes their brief images
flick like autumn-shadow’d leaves
‘cross my inner fisheye
subliminal subluminal
insubstantial & perhaps
sub-transparent

socrates was a faggot
in addition to being a
man, most mortal
he is my grandfather
bickering plato too
writing it all down
they are our gay
forbears their
persistence in pursuit
of wisdom — their love —
is a signature
of their gay passions
matured & winelike
we are gay because
we cannot live
unexamined lives & thus
betray ourselves to
truth’s call to action

i died & came back
as myself
my plumbing isn’t what
it used to be but my heart
works better than ever
kiss me deep & long &
today & taste my joy &
think of how to say
gooodbye

—richard kearns

I am tremendously grateful to Sue, Richard, and all of those profiled in Graying for their generous storytelling, their openness, and their activism and commitment.